.. even though I‘m scared
- Lucie Viktorin
- 4 Minute Read
While growing up, we look up to heroes and heroines like Eowyn from Lord of the Rings, Katniss Everdeen from The Hunger Games, Chihiro from Spirited Away, Hermione from Harry Potter. They aren‘t heroes in the literal sense, but rather characters who represent little boys and girls like you and me. They were written to be portrayed in realistic ways – with real flaws and real emotions. They weren‘t these perfect people who never feared a thing. On the contrary, they were deeply scared within their own stories. And yet, we never focused on their fear or judged them for it. Because those characters didn‘t achieve extraordinary things without ever feeling fearful, but despite of it – and we admired them for it.
And yet, as we get older and judge our own lifes, we have the tendency to forget that the presence of fear, doesn‘t equal the abscence of bravery.
“You are so brave” is a phrase I‘ve been hearing for quite a while now. From family, from friends, from people I‘ve just met. They say it as a response to a variety of things: to solo travel plans, to my career goals, sometimes even to being single or setting boundaries clearly.
So, how did I do it? How did I become so fearless and able to do all the things, people now consider “bravery”?
The answer is simple: I didn‘t.
I am full of fears. Especially in regards to the things people call me „brave“ about. I get anxious when I visit a new city and country, because I don‘t know my way around, what to expect, how safe it is, what the people are like. I get scared about being self-employed and growing my business, because it could just as well fail. I could fail. I could make a wrong decision that will cost me everything. I have to put myself out there and get rejected and watch things not work out the way I want them to work out. I get scared about relationships because what if I will truly stay single for the rest of my life? Then again, what if my next relationship will work out and I‘ll never be single again? Or what if it isn‘t as I had dreamed and hoped? And don‘t get me started on the small fears, apart from the big life changing ones!
Being so aware of all these fears of mine – reasonable or not – it doesn‘t seem right to be called „brave“. Because I don‘t think of myself that way. I don‘t feel brave. I don‘t recall a time I ever did.
In the beginning of this year, I had a conversation with one of my closest and oldest friends. I was about to leave my family and friends and everything that was familiar to me to go travel South America. Due to that occasion, I had heard the phrase ‚You are so brave‘ again a couple times.
„People keep telling me that I‘m brave. I just don‘t feel like I am. I have so many fears. So many things that make me anxious“,-
- I told my friend. After a short pause I added:
She took her sweet time to answer, sipping on her drink before she told me the following with a grin:
„Lucie, you do know that that is exactly, why they call you brave? That is what bravery means! Not letting your fears stop you. Doing the things you want to do, despite having fears and doubts.“She then added some loving judgment to that very adorable statement:
„You are clever, how on earth have you not figured that out on your own yet?“And while that add-on was slightly unnecessary in my opinion – she was and is right.
Our human mind has a talent to keep us doubting ourselves through those fearful thoughts. Our abilities, our personalities, our worth. But as I‘ve stated in the beginning: the presence of fear, doesn‘t equal the abscence of bravery.
In no way do I compare myself to the bravery of the heroes and heroines we grew up with! But I suppose, in a world that has taught us to put our dreams last, especially if they don‘t conform with the overall „ideal“, it does take a bit of bravery to follow those dreams – even in the presence of our own worries, fears and doubts.
Let me remind you: we are human. Which means, we do have fears and it is alright to feel them. It is quite literally what has kept us alive through way weirder times. Your mind isn‘t working against you, it is working to protect you. And because protection is its number one goal, the fears it sparks in us are strong. And they have an even stronger potential to control us. To control what we do and say – or rather, what we don‘t do and don‘t say.
How many times have we not shared our feelings out loud for the fear of being rejected? How often have we not taken action towards a dream or goal because we convinced ourselves that it would never work? Too many times I would guess.
For everyone who has read ‚The Alchemist‘ by Paulo Coelho – remind yourself of the baker in the beginning of the book. He let his fear control his decision of what he would do with his life. That doesn‘t mean he had a bad life! But he didn‘t have the life he desired. And for me, that scares me more than anything else.
The good news is, that being controlled by our fears is a choice. It doesn‘t just happen. We allow it to happen, because in the end, it is the simpler option. The safer one maybe even. Either way, it being a choice also means, we can stop allowing it. Which doesn‘t translate into ignoring the fears. But to acknowledge them. Feel and cry through them if we must. And then move through them. I know. It doesn‘t sound as heroic as we are used to from the movies. But it works. Then, finally, instead of fears controlling our actions, our words and keeping us from saying and doing what we really want to say and do, we gain control over our lifes again. And isn‘t that, what a life worth living would truly look like?So, no. I do not believe to be brave. I don’t believe you need to be brave, to do what we truly desire. Just brave enough to do it scared.
If you liked this post and are interested in reading more and supporting my work, I’d recommend following my substack. There you’ll get automatic notifications about new posts immediately after publishing and can share your own feedback in the comments. Thank you for your support and excited to hear your thoughts!
And feel free to share on:
And feel free to share on:
More Articles You Might Be Interested In
.. even though I‘m scared While growing up, we look up to heroes and heroines like Eowyn from Lord of the Rings, Katniss Everdeen from The Hunger Games, Chihiro from Spirited Away, Hermione from Harry
hellos, goodbyes andsolo-travel heartbreaks Before every hello, hi and hey you speak, you already know, the goodbye is going to follow soon after. Too soon. When solo traveling, that is the lifestyle you sign up
Listening to your intuition: professional or unprofessional? What is intuition? What even is professional? Why do we condemn the one, while the other is just as much of an open term as the other? Having