You might know the pressing feeling of having to really, really get something done, but the thought of actually doing it feels almost unbearable. This can be the case for a multitude of reasons. Maybe you are unsure of how long it will take and you are worried it will last hours on end, a commitment you are not willing to currently make. Possibly, part of you is scared that it exceeds your knowledge and skill and that you‘ll be confronted with your own wordly limitations. Potentially, the task just really fucking bores you. If so, everything and anything else will naturally sound more pleasant than having to do this one bloody task. It doesn‘t matter if it is an email you‘ve been postponing for days, a client project you‘ve been avoiding, the deep clean of your house you‘ve told yourself you‘ll do two months ago, or getting into the routine of exercising daily. Whatever the task and whatever the reason behind your resistance might be, you are in the right place to tackle this problem!

Because in this ultimate guide, you‘ll learn how to feel accomplished and as if you‘ve progressed in your task, without truly accomplishing anything and progressing at all.

Disclaimer: This guide is intended as a joke. If you are unable to distinguish satire from genuine productivity advice, please leave this page immediately. For everyone else: let’s get productive. Or, at least, let’s feel like we are.

Step 1: Find even more pressing matters to handle first

Everyone who‘s ever worked on anything, no matter how tiny it might have been, knows that there‘s always something even more pressing to attend to in order to create the perfect environment for you to actually handle the task at hand. Just imagine, how unfocused and unproductive the tackling of said task would be, without the creation of the perfect environment first! This process might look slightly different for each individual, but in my excessive experience as a professional task avoider, I have accumulated a list for the reader to check through, that should help in creating said ideal environment:
• Get a drink to accompany you during your task. Wouldn‘t want you to go thirsty and having to get up in the middle of the task!
• Make sure you have eaten. Wouldn‘t want you to grow hungry and having to pause the task.
• Stretch. If the task has to be completed in only one place, the likeliness of also remaining in only one position is quite high. Avoid a stiff body at all cost.
• Go to the bathroom. I don‘t think I need to explain this one.
• Confirm that all the tools you need for your task are in tip top shape. Run the software update that has been pending for weeks. Sharpen your pencils. Charge other electric devices and tools you might have to use.
Step 2: Write up an extensive To-Do list


Of course, a task isn‘t just a task, is it now? As I‘m sure you‘ve heard from other productivity coaches before, in order to avoid being overwhelmed by a task at hand, it is a good idea to separate it into smaller tasks. And even already small tasks, can still be divided into tinier tasks. After all, we can‘t start a task without knowing in extensive detail what it contains and needs to be done. You think cleaning the apartment, only contains cleaning the apartment? No! You need to separate by rooms. How many bedrooms, how many bathrooms, how many living rooms, how many kitchens! I don‘t know the layout of your home – you do! Then of course, the rooms need to have their own little To-Do lists.
Bedrooms:
• Changing bedsheets
• Fluffing pillows
• Straightening carpets
• Vaccuuming
• Wiping down surfaces

Bathrooms:
• Cleaning the toilet
• Cleaning the sink
• Cleaning the shower/bathtub/both (lots of cleaning in this room)
• Emptying the trash
• Placing a new trash bag
• Switching the dirty towels for clean ones

You get the jist.
Whatever your task at hand might be: write the extensive list!
Step 3: Audit the list

Of course, a list isn‘t complete without a proper audit. Reread every part, highlight the most important sub-tasks, make the list pretty, visualisation is very helpful!

Optional: At this point, you might want to think about rewriting the list, because now there‘s too much going on on the original paper. You have set priorities and colour coded them, but Priority Number One is on fifth place on the list and Priority Number 2 is even further down. Even with the colour coding it might be too confusing now, so feel free to rewrite the list in its correct order. That way you can actually tackle this task with efficiency!

Once you‘ve finished auditing your list, you can lean back and proudly gaze upon your work. The day has come to an end now of course, because you‘ve avoided starting the task till the last few available hours. But here‘s the good news – you‘ve actually progressed! You might not have started the task yet, but you‘ve created a system! Congratulations! Feels good, doesn‘t it? You feel like you‘ve accomplished something, while in reality, you‘ve accomplished absolutely nothing! But focus on the feeling of accomplishment, that is far more valuable then actually doing the task anyway!

I believe, now that you‘ve received a comprehensive guide on how to tackle your Must Do‘s, you will be able to actually tackle them from now on, without having to actually bother to tackle them! Feel free to return to this ultimate guide whenever you need to feel accomplished without accomplishing a single damn thing!